IMAGINE having to endure the pain of labour and giving birth after being told the baby you have been carrying inside you has died.

Sadly it is something too many women in south Essex have had to go through.

But for those who have lost a child through stillbirth or miscarriage, there is a support group full of remarkable men and women who can lift bereaved parents from the depths of despair. It is the Forget Me Not group.

It was set up in January 2004 to support families who have suffered the loss of a baby before, during or shortly after childbirth and is run by Jo Lane, Karla Cairns, 43, and Lisa Hayes, 22, who organise regular meetings for their members.

All three women have known the tragedy experienced by their members. Jo’s baby boy, Cavan, was stillborn in May 2000, Karla’s baby girl, Grace, was stillborn in November 1992 and Lisa’s baby girl, Phenie, died on Christmas day 2002, just nine hours after she was born.

Despite that despair, the group projects a message of hope and every year hundreds of parents who have lost babies are invited to attend a special memorial service.

Bereaved mums, dads, nans, grandads, aunts, uncles and friends meet in the chapel at Basildon Crematorium, in Pitsea, to share their stories and light memorial candles. They then gather in Forget Me Not’s own dedicated garden to release a sea of blue and pink balloons into the sky, one for every baby lost.

Jo Lane, co-founder of the group, said: “This is always a very special and emotional day.

“We have families coming from all parts of Essex and London to attend the service. Many of our members have gained a lot of strength from joining the group and meeting parents in a similar position.”

Emma Parish, 30, flew from Scotland to give a speech during the memorial service to share her story.

It was three years to the day Emma and her husband Neil, 37, lost their baby George.

George died in the womb at 19 weeks and Emma had to give birth to her son knowing he had died.

“It’s almost impossible to put into words what it was like,” said Emma, who has moved to Scotland after separating from Neil, although they come together every year for the memorial service.

“I had to take a pill to make me go into labour and then I had to deliver him. But through Forget Me Not, I feel I’ve done something for George,” said Emma,who also has a five-year-old son, Adam, with Neil.

Neil added: “I remember being in the hospital and feeling totally helpless watching Emma go through what she did.”

Another mum who understands the pain of losing a child is, Kate Corless, 30, of Harold Wood near Romford, who lost her baby Ellie in 2004. Kate enjoyed a textbook pregnancy, but complications developed when she went overdue and was induced. She ended up having an emergency ceasarian, but the baby did not survive for long.

Kate said “This group has helped me beyond words. Losing a child is something you can never get over. But you can learn to live again.”

Jayne Marsland, 37, from Collier Row, lost two children, Tom and Eloise.

Remembering how she had to give birth to Tom, who died in the womb, she said: “It was horiffic. The midwife was amazing and helped me through it. After Tom was born she weighed him and did everything like they would with a healthy baby.

“She handed him to me and I cuddled him. It’s the most unnatural thing in the world for a mother to leave their child. I didn’t want to let him go. “ Jayne and her husband Simon now have healthy baby boy, Zac, who is four months old.

Jayne said: “When I was carrying Zac I got a bit obsessed with how he was, but the midwife let me listen to his heartbeat every week so I knew he was OK.”

  • For more information about the Forget Me Not group, call 01268 459739.